A Kentucky couple, both bona fide rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed.” The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision–why after nine children, would they choose to do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn’t want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.” Read more »

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

“Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”

“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.

The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.” Read more »

It is important to study the etiquette of this outdoor cooking ritual, as it is usually the only type of cooking a real man will do - probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion:

1. The woman buys the food. Read more »

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Fred?”

~author unknown

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a beer, and a mop.”

~author unknown

A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled “Got Milk”.

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled “Forgot Milk”.

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled “Not Milk”.

~ author unknown

Two men are fishing in a boat under a bridge, as a funeral procession starting to cross the bridge. Then one of the fishermen stands up, removes his cap and bows his head.

After the procession has crossed the bridge, the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other fisherman says, “That was really touching, man. I didn’t know you had it in you.�

Then the first guy says, “Well, I guess it was the right thing to do, after all, I was married to her for 40 years.�

~author unknown

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weighing machines that tells your weight and fortune. So, she thought to herself, “I’ll give it a try just to see what it tells me.” Read more »

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest says, “Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.” Read more »

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. Read more »

Our program,
Who art in memory,
“Hello” be thy name.
Thy spreadsheets be formatted,
thy code be downloaded, Read more »

A friend and guest blogger on A guy Walked Into A Bar dot com, jshare, pointed out this funny video, that he found on John Chow’s blog, who found it on…. well, I don’t really know, but let me know if you want the chain to never end.

to the point, there is so much truth to this!!!! Read more »

Due to the popularity of the “Survivor” shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, “Survivor, Texas-Style.”

The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas. Read more »

A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. Read more »

Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days, and then the pioneers saw an old Jew sitting beneath a tree.

“Is there some place ahead where we can get food?”

“Vell, I tink so,” the old man said, “but I wouldn’t go up dat hill und down de udder side. Somevun tolt me you’d run into a big bacon tree.” Read more »

Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group.
Location: In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would be available for frequent galactic travel and possess a strong understanding of, Read more »

What expect you from someone 900 years old? English perfect???

Size matters not… hey, what are you laughing at?

900 years for Viagra I wait.

I cannot teach him. IQ of 30 has he. Hangs upside down in ice caves. Read more »

A drunk is stumbling through the woods when he happens upon a preacher baptizing folk in the river. He ambles down to the water’s edge then trips and falls down before the holy man. Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher pipes up: “Lord have mercy on your drunken soul, brother - are you ready to find Jesus?” Read more »