Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren’t able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. Read more »

One day a frightened homeowner called the zoo and said, ” There’s a huge gorilla in my tree in the front yard!” The zoo keeper arrived in no time flat since he had prepared everything immediately after the escape.

He said to the homeowner, ” Stay calm. I know what to do, but I need your help.” With that he went to his van and retrieved his gorilla capturing tools: one pair of handcuffs, 9mm handgun, and a big German Shepherd named Rosco. Read more »

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.”

One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Parish. A leading Senator and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. Read more »

A lawyer and a blond woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blond is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains how the game works, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa.”

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures he will easily win the match since his opponent is a blond, so he makes another offer, “Okay, how about this. If you don’t know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $50.”

This catches the blond’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now it’s the blond’s turn. She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the airphone with his modem and searches the internet, from wikipedia to the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to everyone he knows, with no success. After over an hour of searching for the answer, he finally gives up. He wakes the blond and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blond again and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer?”

Again without a word, the blond reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

~ author unknown some changes made by the Aguy team