Bob gets a job at a hardware store as a sales assistant.

The manager asks, “Do you know how to up-sell?”
Bob replies, “I think so.”
The manager says, “I will up-sell to this customer coming in to show you.”

The manager says to the customer, “Can I help you?”
Customer: “I need a bag of fertilizer.”
Manager: “Will that be the five pound or the ten pound? I suggest the ten pound because that will last all summer.” Read more »

A Husband and his wife are in bed together. She feels his hand starting to rubbing her shoulder, and she says, “Oh, that feels good.”

His hand moves to her breast, and she groans, “Honey, that feels wonderful.”

His hand moves to her leg, and then she moans, “Oh, honey, don’t stop.”

But then he abruptly stops. She quickly sits up and asks, “Why did you stop?”

The husband responds, “I found the remote.”

~author unknown

Rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the police raid the game.

Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks: “Father Murphy, were you gambling?” Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, “Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.” To the police officer, he then says, “No, officer, I was not gambling.

The officer then asks the minister: “Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?” Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, “No, officer, I was not gambling.”

Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks: “Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?” Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies: “With whom?”

~author unknown

A blond goes into a restaurant and notices there’s a “peel and win!” sticker on her coffee cup. So she’s peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!” The waitress says, “That’s impossible, I’m sorry but the biggest prize is a free lunch.”

But the blond keeps screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!” Read more »

The man says, “Will you buy booze?” The bum says, “No.” The man says, “Will you gamble it away?” The bum says, “No.”

So the man says, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ” I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”

The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.” Read more »

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Steve. One day, the two were enjoying a strong drink in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian’s head under his arm.

The barman shakes his hand and says, “I hate Indians, last week they burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children.” Read more »