A rabbi and a priest get into a bad car accident. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the religious men are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest, I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but thankfully we are unhurt. This must be a sign from G*d. He must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”

The priest replies, “I agree with you completely, this absolutely must be a sign from above.”

The rabbi continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn’t break. Surely he wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” Then he hands the bottle to the priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The rabbi replies, “No… I think I’ll wait for the police.”

–
~ author unknown

Rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the police raid the game.

Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks: “Father Murphy, were you gambling?” Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, “Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.” To the police officer, he then says, “No, officer, I was not gambling.

The officer then asks the minister: “Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?” Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, “No, officer, I was not gambling.”

Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks: “Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?” Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies: “With whom?”

~author unknown

A lady approaches her priest and tells him “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?’”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.” Read more »

A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town’s annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. “This baked ham is really delicious,” the priest teased the rabbi.

“You really ought to try it. I know it’s against your religion, but I can’t understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don’t know what you’re missing. You just haven’t lived until you’ve tried Mrs. Hall’s prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?”

The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, “At your wedding.”

There once was a group of Friars living on a mountain top, basically communing and doing the things that Friars do. It was discovered that the soil around their monastery was extraordinarily fertile, and many strange and amazingly wonderful plants and flowers grew in the area. The Friars decided to cultivate these plants and flowers and see what types of new plants they could come up with.

After a while, people heard about all the wondrous plant life the Friars were developing. They came from miles around to tour the Monastery area. The Friars, who were very business minded for a group of religious folk, decided to start charging the people money for the seeds and tours. Read more »

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. Read more »

A priest meets a drunk outside a bar. The drunk claims to be Jesus. The priest disagrees, the man insists. Finally, the priest says, “how can you prove it?” The man, says “come with me.” They go inside the bar. The bartender says, “Jesus Christ, not you again…”

~author unknown