An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night with his friends. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So then he stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time but with the same result. He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he tried to stand up again and fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, “So, you’ve been out drinking again!”

“What makes you say that?” he asked, putting on an innocent look.

“The pub called, you left your wheelchair there. Again.”
–
~ author unknown

A blond goes into a restaurant and notices there’s a “peel and win!” sticker on her coffee cup. So she’s peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!” The waitress says, “That’s impossible, I’m sorry but the biggest prize is a free lunch.”

But the blond keeps screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!” Read more »

There are many “pinot” wines on the market: Pinot Noir, Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio for starters.

There is also marketing research on a product for senior citizens from a new hybrid grape that acts as a diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older man has to make to the bathroom during the night.

They will be marketing the new wine as…

Pinot More.

~author unknown

A man walks out of a bar and bumps into a policeman. “Hey,” the policeman says, “your eyes are bloodshot, have you been drinking Bloody Mary’s?” “Well,” the man says, “your eyes are glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

~ author unknown