aguywalkedintoabar.com » Food & Drink

Catch Me If You Can Weight Loss Plan

dave — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 01:16:25 +0000

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

Without a second thought, he…

If Operating Systems Were Beers

dave — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 15:15:47 +0000

DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the cans are divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it’s no longer available.

Mac Beer
At first,…

Crawling Home Again

dave — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 00:32:54 +0000

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night with his friends. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So then he stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time but with the same result. He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So…

Peel and Win Contest Winner

dave — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 13:44:43 +0000

A blond goes into a restaurant and notices there’s a “peel and win!” sticker on her coffee cup. So she’s peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!” The waitress says, “That’s impossible, I’m sorry but the biggest prize is a free lunch.”

But the blond keeps screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”

Finally the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but…

A New Type of Pinot

dave — Sun, 27 May 2007 16:23:51 +0000

There are many “pinot” wines on the market: Pinot Noir, Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio for starters.

There is also marketing research on a product for senior citizens from a new hybrid grape that acts as a diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older man has to make to the bathroom during the night.

They will be marketing the new wine as…

Pinot More.

~author unknown

Your Eyes Say It All

dave — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 23:39:44 +0000

A man walks out of a bar and bumps into a policeman. “Hey,” the policeman says, “your eyes are bloodshot, have you been drinking Bloody Mary’s?” “Well,” the man says, “your eyes are glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

~ author unknown