An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night with his friends. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So then he stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time but with the same result. He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he tried to stand up again and fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, “So, you’ve been out drinking again!”

“What makes you say that?” he asked, putting on an innocent look.

“The pub called, you left your wheelchair there. Again.”
–
~ author unknown

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, “Your’re in charge of sweeping,� to the Irishman, “You’re in charge of shoveling, and to the Chinese guy, “And you’re in charge of supplies. “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.�

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, “Why didn’t you sweep any of it?â€? The Italian replies, “I didn’t have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn’t find him.â€? Read more »

anyone who’s traveled extensively abroad can appreciate this one…

A man decided to visit his brother who was stationed in Germany. He assumed that most Germans would speak English. But he quickly discovered that many people spoke only their native tongue, including the ticket inspector on the train. Read more »

Considering I travel to london on a near weekly basis, I can (unfortunately) relate to this. I had the mp3 of the song for quite a while, but never knew who originally produced it, and now I know.

The London Underground song is by the comedy band Amateur Transplants (Dr. Adam Kay and Dr. Suman Biswas). Hats off, this is brilliant. Check out the video, actually if anyone knows of their own profile on google video or youtube, let me know so i can include their video. or you can check out the video on their site.

LYRICS Read more »

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

“Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”

“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.

The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.” Read more »

A young Scottish lad & lass were sitting on a low stone wall holding hands & gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy & said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’…perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.” Read more »

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing. Read more »

… get blown wildly off course and become lost after drifting into dense fog. After several hours of failing to discover where they are, one of the gentlemen says “I can tell where we are simply by reaching down into the fog!”

He promptly reaches over the edge of the balloon, rummages around and announces “We are currently over Pisa in Italy”. His friend is astonished and asks how he can be so sure, “Well,” says the first gentleman, “I could feel the top of the Leaning Tower!”

Several hours later he reaches Read more »