Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

~ author unknown

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. Read more »

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, “Oh, Shit!�

Only the state of Tennessee was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, watch this!�

~author unknown

A Kentucky couple, both bona fide rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed.” The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision–why after nine children, would they choose to do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn’t want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

Due to the popularity of the “Survivor” shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, “Survivor, Texas-Style.”

The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas. Read more »

20. You’ve heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
19. Your father has said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side… it’ll be a hoot.”
18. Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
17. You have used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. Read more »