aguywalkedintoabar.com » Redneck

Never choke in a restaurant in the South

jshare — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:58:59 +0000

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’

The woman begins to turn blue and…

Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners (Macon, Ga Edition)

jshare — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:00:08 +0000

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle,…

Black Boxes for Trucks Reveal Driver’s Last Words

dave — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 13:15:08 +0000

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words…

Redneck Vasectomy

jshare — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 10:07:23 +0000

A Kentucky couple, both bona fide rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed.” The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision–why after nine children, would they choose to do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they…

Survivor Texas-Style

jshare — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 08:45:09 +0000

Due to the popularity of the “Survivor” shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, “Survivor, Texas-Style.”

The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper…

20 signs you are a redneck Jedi

dave — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 18:17:19 +0000

20. You’ve heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
19. Your father has said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side… it’ll be a hoot.”
18. Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
17. You have used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
16. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
15. You have had…