aguywalkedintoabar.com » star wars

Sith Lord Apprentice opening

dave — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 23:34:42 +0000

Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group.
Location: In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would be available for frequent galactic travel and possess a strong understanding of, and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn.

Duties include, but not limited to:
- Performing competitive intelligence
- Hands-on intervention in support of the…

Things You will Never Hear Yoda Say…

dave — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 17:12:39 +0000

What expect you from someone 900 years old? English perfect???

Size matters not… hey, what are you laughing at?

900 years for Viagra I wait.

I cannot teach him. IQ of 30 has he. Hangs upside down in ice caves.

Duct Tape, the Force it is like. Both a light side and a dark side it has. Binds the universe together it does!

The things Obi-Wan taught you? Forget it, you must.

Yeah, well oneness with the universe doesn’t put food…

Top 10 Things Samuel L. Jackson Should Have Said in the Star Wars Prequel

dave — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 18:31:39 +0000

10. “You don’t need to see my goddamn identification, cause these ain’t the motherfuckin’ droids you’re looking for.”

9. “Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’ll never know, cause I’d never touch the filthy motherfucker.”

8. “This is your father’s lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every motherfuckin’ stormtrooper in the room … accept no substitutes.”

7. “If Obi-Wan ain’t home then I don’t know what the fuck we’re gonna do. I ain’t got…

10 Bad Things About A Time-Share Condo With Darth Vadar

dave — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 20:50:52 +0000

10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren’t his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your Corona right before you open it.
8. He’s always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent “a long, long time ago.”
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing “Darth Brooks” routine.
5. For once he could try to use the Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4.…

20 signs you are a redneck Jedi

dave — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 18:17:19 +0000

20. You’ve heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
19. Your father has said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side… it’ll be a hoot.”
18. Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
17. You have used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
16. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
15. You have had…