aguywalkedintoabar.com » technology http://aguywalkedintoabar.com funny stories, humor and jokes Tue, 26 May 2009 06:10:54 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 If Operating Systems Were Beers http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/if-operating-systems-were-beers/ http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/if-operating-systems-were-beers/#comments Tue, 12 Aug 2008 15:15:47 +0000 dave http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/?p=89 DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the cans are divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it’s no longer available.

Mac Beer
At first,…

]]> http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/if-operating-systems-were-beers/feed/ 0 Car Industry vs Computer Industry http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/car-industry-vs-computer-industry/ http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/car-industry-vs-computer-industry/#comments Sat, 02 Feb 2008 12:00:46 +0000 jshare http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/car-industry-vs-computer-industry/ At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your…
]]> http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/car-industry-vs-computer-industry/feed/ 0 How Was I Born? http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/how-was-i-born/ http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/how-was-i-born/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2008 12:00:05 +0000 jshare http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/how-was-i-born/ A little boy goes to his father and asks ‘Daddy, how was I born?’

The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway…

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo; then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon…

]]> http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/how-was-i-born/feed/ 0 Kosher Computers Now On Sale http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/kosher-computers-now-on-sale/ http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/kosher-computers-now-on-sale/#comments Fri, 15 Jun 2007 08:03:24 +0000 jshare http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/kosher-computers-now-on-sale/ I don’t know if you know this, but you can now purchase Kosher computers. They are made in Israel by a company called DELL-SHALOM. The price is so low, even with the shipping from Israel!
However, before you purchase a kosher computer of your own, you should know that there are some important changes from the typical non-kosher computer you are used to, such as:

  • The “Start” button has been replaced with the “Let’s go!! I’m not…
]]> http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/kosher-computers-now-on-sale/feed/ 0 New Intel Organic Chip http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/new-intel-organic-chip/ http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/new-intel-organic-chip/#comments Sat, 02 Jun 2007 21:07:11 +0000 dave http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/new-intel-organic-chip/ INTRODUCING the greatest and most powerful new chip out of INTEL’s(TM) Microprocessor Labs: The Potato(TM) Chip.

Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the best selling Pentium(TM) processor is released. The Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and electronic engineering. This newly developed organic microprocessor outshines the previous generation.

The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory, 1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than the traditional 200Mhz PentiumPro(TM) Chip.

The new Potato(TM)…

]]> http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/new-intel-organic-chip/feed/ 0 Latest Hospital Technology http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/latest-hospital-technology/ http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/latest-hospital-technology/#comments Sun, 20 May 2007 14:50:47 +0000 dave http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/latest-hospital-technology/ A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials.

“Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing,” she said.

“So would I,” replied the technician. “It’s a floor-cleaning machine.”

~author unknown

…]]> http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/latest-hospital-technology/feed/ 0 Not Long Enough http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/not-long-enough/ http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/not-long-enough/#comments Sun, 20 May 2007 08:16:57 +0000 dave http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/not-long-enough/ A woman is helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and tells him that he will now need to choose and enter password that he wants to use when logging on.

The husband, thinking he’ll do the manly thing, types in the following letters when prompted for his desired password by the computer: P E N I S

His wife rolls her eyes and then nearly falls off her chair howling with laughter when the computer…

]]> http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/not-long-enough/feed/ 0 Women, technology and the sauna http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/women-technology-and-the-sauna/ http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/women-technology-and-the-sauna/#comments Mon, 07 May 2007 16:25:11 +0000 dave http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/women-technology-and-the-sauna/ Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.

The others looked at her questioningly.

“That was my pager”, she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, “that was my mobile…

]]> http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/women-technology-and-the-sauna/feed/ 0 Programmer’s Prayer http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/programmers-prayer/ http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/programmers-prayer/#comments Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:55:35 +0000 dave http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/programmers-prayer/ Our program,
Who art in memory,
“Hello” be thy name.
Thy spreadsheets be formatted,
thy code be downloaded,
from disk,
as it will be in memory.
Give us on screen
our data spreads,
and forgive us our typos,
as we forgive those who ask that we document.
Lead us not into frustration,
but deliver us from glitches.
For thine is the algorithm,
the application,
and the solution,
looping forever and ever.

Return.

~author unknown

…]]> http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/programmers-prayer/feed/ 0 an architect, an artist and an engineer http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/an-architect-an-artist-and-an-engineer/ http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/an-architect-an-artist-and-an-engineer/#comments Tue, 20 Feb 2007 19:12:18 +0000 dave http://aguywalkedintoabar.com/an-architect-an-artist-and-an-engineer/ An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, “I like both.” “Both?” “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will…

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