aguywalkedintoabar.com » top 10 lists

10 Bad Things About A Time-Share Condo With Darth Vadar

dave — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 20:50:52 +0000

10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren’t his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your Corona right before you open it.
8. He’s always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent “a long, long time ago.”
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing “Darth Brooks” routine.
5. For once he could try to use the Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4.…

20 signs you are a redneck Jedi

dave — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 18:17:19 +0000

20. You’ve heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
19. Your father has said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side… it’ll be a hoot.”
18. Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
17. You have used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
16. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
15. You have had…

Top ten ways to know you’re dating or married to a consultant

dave — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 13:48:13 +0000

10. Referred to the first month of your relationship as a “diagnostic period”.
9. Talks to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.
8. Takes a half-day at the office because, “Sunday is your day.”
7. Congratulates your parents for successful value creation.
6. Tries to call room-service from the bedroom.
5. Ends any argument by saying, “let’s talk about this off-line.”
4. Celebrates anniversary by conducting a performance review.
3. Can’t be trusted with the car-too accustomed to beating…

Top Ten Ways to Know You have Got the Consulting Bug

dave — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 16:01:03 +0000

10. Canâ€™t stop using words that donâ€™t exist.
9. Worried that he who dies with the most frequent-flyer miles wins.
8. Use so much jargon in conversation, friends think youâ€™re speaking a foreign language.
7. Constant urge to give advice on subjects you know nothing about.
6. Always-hyphenating-words-that-donâ€™t-need-to-be-hyphenated.
5. Keep seeing bullet points everywhere.
4. Can fit the thematic undercurrents of War and Peace into a two-by-two matrix.
3. Tired of having a social life beyond work.
2. A two-page story in Business…

Top Ten Things You will Never Hear from a Consultant

dave — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 20:29:30 +0000

10. Youâ€™re right; weâ€™re billing way too much for this.
9. Bet you I can go a week without saying â€œsynergyâ€? or â€œvalue-addedâ€?.
8. How about paying us based on the success of the project?
7. This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.
6. Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.
5. I donâ€™t know enough to speak intelligently about that.
4. Implementation? I only care about writing long reports.
3. I…

Top Ten Things a Consultant Shouldnâ€™t Tell a Client

dave — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 11:28:55 +0000

First in a new series of Top Ten lists, AND presenting a new category on consultants (the lawyers were getting lonely):

10. That was my first guess as well, but then I really thought about it.
9. You should see the hotel Iâ€™m staying at.
8. Hey, I just realized that I was in junior high when you started working here.
7. I like this office space. Iâ€™ll have them put me in here when youâ€™re gone.
6. My…