aguywalkedintoabar.com » Walked Into a Bar

Crawling Home Again

dave — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 00:32:54 +0000

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night with his friends. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So then he stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time but with the same result. He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So…

The Genie and the Pianist

dave — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 14:04:59 +0000

A guy walks into a bar with a shoe box and a lamp. The guy sits at the bar and asks for a beer, while he carefully puts the box and the lamp down.

The bartender, hearing music coming out of the shoe box, asks, “what’s in there?” The guy replies, “A small piano player.” “No way, that’s impossible.”, the bartender replies.

So the guy opens the box, and sure enough there was a miniature piano…

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar

dave — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 13:18:05 +0000

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.”

One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”

Too much in common

dave — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 15:00:47 +0000

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

“Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”

“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.

The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”

“Of course,” replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”

“Dublin,” comes the reply.

“I…

A grasshopper hops into a bar

dave — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 22:27:47 +0000

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Fred?”

~author unknown

a skeleton walks into a bar

dave — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 18:25:55 +0000

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a beer, and a mop.”

~author unknown

10 shots of tequila later

dave — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:14:07 +0000

A man walks into a bar and orders 12 shots of tequila. The bartender watches as the guy downs one after another. As he slams the 10th one, the bartender says, “I donâ€™t think you should be drinking those so fast.”

“You would if you had what I have,” the man says, throwing back number 11.

“Well, what is it you have?”

The man throws back his last shot and says, “Fifty cents.”

~author unknown

…

a guy walks into a bar and hears voices

dave — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 16:18:05 +0000

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After sitting for a few minutes, he hears a voice say, “nice tie.” He looks around but doesn’t see anybody near him. Some time passes and he hears the same voice say, “nice shirt.”

He starts to look everywhere; behind him, up and down the bar, under the chair, behind the bar, everywhere he can think to look, but he doesn’t see anyone. A few…

a priest, a rabbi, a nun, a doctor, an engineer and a blond

dave — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 16:11:27 +0000

A priest, a rabbi, a nun, a doctor, an engineer and a blond walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey, what is this, some kind of a joke?”

Jesus walked into a bar

dave — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 15:38:42 +0000

A priest meets a drunk outside a bar. The drunk claims to be Jesus. The priest disagrees, the man insists. Finally, the priest says, “how can you prove it?” The man, says “come with me.” They go inside the bar. The bartender says, “Jesus Christ, not you again…”

~author unknown