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Kosher Computers Now On Sale

I don’t know if you know this, but you can now purchase Kosher computers. They are made in Israel by a company called DELL-SHALOM. The price is so low, even with the shipping from Israel!
However, before you purchase a kosher computer of your own, you should know that there are some important changes from the typical non-kosher computer you are used to, such as:

  • The “Start” button has been replaced with the “Let’s go!! I’m not getting any younger!” button.
  • You hear “Hava Nagila” during startup.
  • The cursor moves from right to left.
  • When Spell-checker finds an error it prompts, “Is this the best you can do?”
  • When you look at erotic images, your computer says, “If your mother knew you did this, she would die.”
  • It comes with a “monitor cleaning solution” from Manischewitz that advertises it gets rid of all the “schmutz und drek.”
  • When running “Scan Disk” it prompts you with a “You want I should fix this?” message.
  • After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC goes “Schloffen.”
  • The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
  • It comes with two hard drives – one for fleyshedik (b usiness software and one for milchedik (games).
  • Instead of getting a “General Protection Fault” error, your PC now gets “Ferklempt.”
  • The multimedia player has been renamed to “Nu, so play my music already!” corner.
  • When your PC is working too hard, you occasionally hear a loud “Oy Gevalt!”
  • Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.
  • When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, you are instructed to “Remove the cable from the PC’s tuchus.”
  • After your computer dies, you have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
  • But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can’t get SPAM.

~author unknown

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