One day Jane walked into a bank to deposit a large sum of money she had recently won in the casino.

Jane walked up to the cashier and handed over a check for $850,000. The cashier insisted on verifying such a large a mount, and so a few minutes later the bank manager appeared to take a look. The bank manager, curious as how Jayne came to have so much money, started asking some questions.

“How did you get so much money?”

“Well”, she replies, “I’m a bit of a gambler.”

“Oh really…” the manager replied, and started to give Jane a lecture about the evils of gambling.

“No really, it’s a lot of fun!” insisted Jane, “for example, I bet you $10,000 that your balls are square!”

The manager was a bit shocked, but after thinking it through, thought that there was no way he could loose the bet. So they shook hands and went out in to the car park so Jane could check his balls. Standing in the car park was a man wearing a gray suit.

“This is my attorney,” said Jane. “He’s here to make sure everything is legit.”

“OK” said the bank manager, so Jane stepped up in front of him, unzipped his trousers and gave his balls a good feel.

“You’re right, they’re not square!”, she declared.

The manager smiled and looked over to the lawyer, who at this point was banging his head on the car and appeared extremely frustrated. Confused, the manager asked Jane, “What’s wrong with your lawyer?”

“Oh, I bet him $100,000 I would have your balls in my hands in 30 minutes or less.”

–
~ author unknown – modified by Aguy

A bank recently expanded by building a drive through ATM. To best serve it’s customers using this new facility, they spent many months of careful research, until they developed different procedures for men and women. To notify it’s customers it posted a sign in it’s lobby.

“Please note that we’ve recently installed new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving the comfort of their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below:

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:

MEN
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt, shove them into your wallet.
6. Close window.
7. Exit drive through.

WOMEN
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate customers waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Close window
27. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
28. Release Parking Brake.”

–
~ author unknown