Rather than force you all to look at many pages for very short jokes, here’s a collection of humorous shorts that made us smile.

Phases of a Project
1 — Exultation
2 — Disenchantment
3 — Search for the Guilty
4 — Punishment of the Innocent
5 — Praise for the Uninvolved

Mechanical vs Civil Engineers

Q: What’s the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer?
A: One builds bombs, the other builds targets.

Astronaut Anxiety

An astronaut in space in 1970 was asked by a reporter, “How do you feel?”

“How would you feel,” the astronout replied, “if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest engineering bidder?”

Barney is Satan

MATHEMATICAL PROOF (as in Geometry)
REQUIRED TO PROVE THAT “BARNEY IS SATAN”
Given: Barney is a cute purple dinosaur
Prove: Barney is Satan

Step 1: The Romans had no letter “U” so they used “V” instead for printing. Therefore, the Roman representation for Barney would be CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

Step 2: Taking CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR, and extracting the Roman neumerals, we have:

C V V L D I V

Step 3: The decimal equivalent of these Roman neumerals would be:

100 5 5 50 500 1 5

Step 4: Adding these numbers together would produce:

666

Step 5: 666 is the number of the beast

Therefore: Barney is Satan

Common Sense

During the heat of the space race in the 1960’s, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.

After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.

The Soviet Union, when faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

Car pooling

An engineer found out he had to attend a meeting, just minutes before quitting time. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: “Last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Ted.” At 6:30 p.m., the engineer stopped at his desk and found this note: “Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove.”

Red Rubber Ball

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.

The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.

The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.

The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his “Red-Rubber-Ball” table.

Half Glass of Scotch
There is a half glass of scotch on a table.
The Arts student says that it symbolises unfulfilled emotions.
The Science student starts calculating the exact percentage full.
The Engineering student goes up to the glass, drinks the scotch and asks, “What’s the question?”

~ authors unknown