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Golfing with Perfect Eyesight

Arthur is 90 years old, and has played golf every day since he retired 30 years ago.

One day he arrives at home looking very depressed. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes, and as they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you, and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is a 103!!! There’s no way he can’t help.”

“He may be a 103″, says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the fairway. Quickly, he’s lost it again. He turns to the brother-in-law, and asks him “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” says the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.

“I can’t remember.”

~ author unknown

Contributed by dave | Posted in golf, Retirement and Getting Old | No Comments »

Softball in Heaven

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, ‘Rose, we both loved playing women’s softball all our lives, and we played in all through High School.

Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s women’s softball there.

Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed, ‘Barb, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.’

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, ‘Barb, Barb.’

‘Who is it?’ asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. ‘Who is it?’

‘Barb — it’s me, Rose.’

‘You’re not Rose. Rose just died.’

‘I’m telling you, it’s me, Rose,’ insisted the voice.

‘Rose! Where are you?’

‘In Heaven,’ replied Rose. ‘I have some really good news and a little bad news.’

‘Tell me the good news first,’ said Barb.

‘The good news,’ Rose said, ‘is that there’s Softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.’

‘That’s fantastic,’ said Barb.. ‘It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?’

‘You’re pitching Tuesday.’

Contributed by jshare | Posted in Death, Retirement and Getting Old | No Comments »

Fast Thinking Old Man

An old man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years, with a large pond in the back. It was a good size and shape for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with a picnic table, horseshoe courts, some apple and peach trees, BBQ pit, etc.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and looked around. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. Read more »

Contributed by dave | Posted in Retirement and Getting Old, Women vs Men | No Comments »

Annual Medical Checkup

An 80-year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he’s feeling.
“I’ve never been better!� he replies. “I’ve got an eighteen-year-old bride who’s pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?�

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who’s an avid hunter. He never misses a season. Read more »

Contributed by dave | Posted in Doctors, Retirement and Getting Old | No Comments »

A New Type of Pinot

There are many “pinot” wines on the market: Pinot Noir, Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio for starters.

There is also marketing research on a product for senior citizens from a new hybrid grape that acts as a diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older man has to make to the bathroom during the night.

They will be marketing the new wine as…

Pinot More.

~author unknown

Contributed by dave | Posted in Food & Drink, Retirement and Getting Old | No Comments »

Sportman’s Double

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked great for a 65-year-old.

We drank a bit, and things progressed rather nicely and she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“It a mother and daughter threesome,” she said. Read more »

Contributed by dave | Posted in Retirement and Getting Old | No Comments »

lion hunting

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.” Read more »