A rabbi and a priest get into a bad car accident. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the religious men are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest, I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but thankfully we are unhurt. This must be a sign from G*d. He must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”

The priest replies, “I agree with you completely, this absolutely must be a sign from above.”

The rabbi continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn’t break. Surely he wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” Then he hands the bottle to the priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The rabbi replies, “No… I think I’ll wait for the police.”

–
~ author unknown

Rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the police raid the game.

Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks: “Father Murphy, were you gambling?” Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, “Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.” To the police officer, he then says, “No, officer, I was not gambling.

The officer then asks the minister: “Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?” Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, “No, officer, I was not gambling.”

Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks: “Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?” Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies: “With whom?”

~author unknown

A lady approaches her priest and tells him “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?’”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.” Read more »

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest says, “Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.” Read more »

A drunk is stumbling through the woods when he happens upon a preacher baptizing folk in the river. He ambles down to the water’s edge then trips and falls down before the holy man. Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher pipes up: “Lord have mercy on your drunken soul, brother - are you ready to find Jesus?” Read more »

A priest, a rabbi, a nun, a doctor, an engineer and a blond walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey, what is this, some kind of a joke?”